On: New Starts

It is the end of September, which means term is in full swing. We have had our first exeat weekend, and our newbies no longer feel like newbies anymore. Their bright-eyed optimism has turned to hardened cynicism now that the reality of school life has set in, and they are becoming old souls before our eyes, wearied by carrying that burden of plentiful prep and unachievable expectations…

I jest, dear reader, fret not.

The intake of 12 new Year 9 boys into the boarding house, along with a couple of entrants at Lower Sixth level and Year 10, has brought much excitement as the living organism that is the boarding house sheds its old skin as the Upper Sixth disappear off to parties a-plenty, gap years a-gazillion, and universities umpteen. The new group brings with it a different mix of personalities, experiences, and outlooks, providing diversity to an established body of boys. Much like the skin-shedding reptile which, despite a change of clothes, remains ophidian, each year brings a new, refreshed, feel to the boarding house while our core identity does not change – these 60 boys remain the funny, quirky, interesting individuals who hold to the values and culture that make us us.

The new entrants bring with them their own worries and expectations, too. Some of them have had prior experience of boarding at prep school; others are walking into this world for the first time. It is always the case that boys will adapt differently to their new surroundings, depending on their past experiences and their personalities, but I find that there are a few common strategies we can employ to help them settle as quickly as possible and to get as much out of their time here as they can.

Here are my top ten tips for new starts.

1 – Accept homesickness is normal. It is not uncommon for boys, even if they have experienced some measure of boarding before, to miss their parents, siblings, and pets (often the latter is missed the most!). They shouldn’t worry if they feel homesick – it is totally normal, and isn’t a sign that boarding is not right for them or that they are not settling. Just allow the feelings to be felt.
2 – Keep busy. One of the great things about boarding school is the myriad opportunities on offer. Encourage children to throw themselves into the range of activities the school provides – learn to play the tuba, try their hand at strategic card games, have a go at quidditch (okay, maybe that one isn’t on offer at every boarding school) – and they will find their time is taken up with so many new and interesting things that those aforementioned feelings of homesickness don’t get a look in.
3 – Manage parents. I have increasingly learned that I don’t just have to help boys navigate the world of boarding; I also need to help parents cope with the realities of setting their most precious charge adrift in the world of senior school. I have taken to reminding parents that they have chosen this school and this boarding house for a reason, so let us do what we say we will. I ask them to trust us. Reinforcing that message, along with regular communications and updates, helps parents to feel reassured and invested in the pastoral care on offer here.
4 – Plan activities. As I write this, I am in deepest darkest (wettest) Derbyshire as my Year 9s fly through the trees on zipwires, scramble up and down rock faces, and channel their inner cavemen as they make fires. We have activities planned throughout the year – year group and whole-house activities – and publish this to parents in advance. This helps them feel that school is an exciting place to be, and provides additional reassurance to parents that we are proactive in our approach to help their children try new things and keep busy.
5 – Don’t fear the downtime. Although planned activities are important, allowing children the opportunity and space to decompress and relax is equally as essential to them thriving in this new environment. School is a very busy place to be and, as we have already suggested, busyness is good. But getting enough rest and sleep and relaxation is vital if children are to have the energy to cope with the demands of senior school. It is often when children are tired that they begin to feel more homesick – it is certainly when they suddenly want to speak to their parents!

6 – Make use of the older year groups. So often, it is easier for a boy to speak to another boy than a member of staff, so I make use of the Sixth Form to act as really good go-betweens. Let’s face it, I don’t have experience of what the new arrivals go through when they come to a senior boarding house. I didn’t board as a youngster and, even if I had, I am so ancient that my experience would bear very little resemblance to theirs! The older boys, however, have gone through exactly the same feelings of bewilderment, excitement, apprehension, homesickness, as the newbies, and can share their experiences of how they managed these emotions only a few years prior. Perhaps you might want to operate a buddy system, whereby you pair a new boy up with a boy in an older year to show them the ropes.

7 – Manufacture friendships. Each year, we have a couple of boys who join the house to board for Sixth Form. The way my boarding house is configured, there are several double rooms – as well as singles – for the Lower Sixth. I always pair up an existing boy with a new one, at least for the first term, so that the new arrivals don’t run the risk of being isolated in rooms alone. This isn’t such a concern for younger boys, who are in dormitories with several others.

8 – Keep close tabs on the new recruits. I hope I find time to interact with all the boys in house on a regular basis, but it is especially important that I am giving new boys some bespoke attention, certainly at the beginning of their time. Chatting with them over hot chocolate as a group, or having one-to-one meetings with them to talk through how they are finding things and how they are settling, helps to provide reassurance and build strong relationships (I am reminded that I am probably due a check-in with some…).

9 – Be consistent. This goes for our interactions with all the children in our care, of course, but I am especially mindful to be consistent with the newbies. They will feel much more secure and safe if I set clear expectations of behaviour from day one, and if I respond in a way that is predictable on the occasions they fail to meet those expectations. Even when I am grumpy and tired, being deliberately dependable in my interactions will help the boys understand where the boundaries are and reassure them that I am (on the whole!) reasonable.

10 – Be fun. Children will thrive in happy, warm environments. I hope that one of the adjectives the boys use to describe my boarding house is “fun”. We laugh a lot, we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and we enjoy a bit of silliness from time to time. I believe in having high expectations of behaviour but I pick my battles, let things go and, even in amongst the chaos, smile.